Moving to a new home, especially if it is any distance from the old one, is an upsetting experience for young children.

They tend to like to do the same things in the same way day after day, and losing the old familiar surroundings is not a pleasant experience for them. They have difficulty remembering the old home in any but fragmentary ways— little bits and pieces—and this, too, can be frightening for them. The new home, even if nicer than the old, is not likely to look so to the young child at first. Here are some things parents can do to help reduce the upset and confusion:

Visit the new house

If possible, take the children to see the new place regularly before you move. This will help them get used to their new surroundings. Take a picnic and eat lunch there. One family even had their children take a few daytime naps in the new house before they moved in properly. Your child may even be able to choose bedrooms and get to know the layout before you move. If you cannot physically go to the house, then see if you can view the house online—some real estates offer a “virtual tour”. It is not the same as going there, but it is better than nothing.

Starting a new day care

Your move may allow your child to stay at the same daycare, but this is not always the case. Leaving old friends and familiar teachers can be hard. If you are able, get the contact details of a few children at the new day care and arrange a play date—this way, your child may get to know at least one child before starting at a new place.

Involving the children

Let children help with the move. Let them pack some of their own things—or even better carry their favorite things themselves from the old house to the new. This will help to make the transition smoother. They may also be able to take part in decisions about where to put the new furniture for their bedroom. When in the new house, have your child help you unpack their things—especially the things they use every day. This will help to avoid the inevitable “Mommy, where is my … ?”

Getting help

Let them have some part, but try not to have them around throughout the whole process. Moving is an exhausting experience even for adults. It can also be dangerous for young children—large items of furniture being moved about and children don’t mix. There is also the problem of items that are normally locked away becoming accessible. Have a neighbor, friend or family member watch the children while you are doing the main part of the packing and moving. Even if you are getting professionals to move for you, it is best to keep the children out of the way.

Saying goodbye

Some people like to have a party or ceremony to say goodbye to the old house. This can be a way to help children work through their feelings about leaving. Remember to take plenty of photos of your children at the old house, as they will some day make wonderful memories.

Setting up in the new house

Try to make the child’s new room as much like the old one as possible—even if it isn’t the best arrangement for the new room.  The child will be reassured by the familiar relationship among things, and once you have all settled down you can slowly rearrange them if it seems necessary. If your child has previously been sleeping in a crib, now is not the time to change to a big bed. Wait until he or she has fully settled into the new house before making this transition.

Routines

Remember to use your established routines when you get to the new house. For example, even if the bedroom is different children will be comforted by knowing the going-to-bed routine is the same.

Staying safe

Remember that neither you nor your child knows where all the dangers are in the new house at first. So be extra careful and watchful for a while after you move.

The pressures around moving time may cause children to go back to behaviors they may have grown out of, such as thumb sucking, using baby talk etc. This is normal and they will usually go back to normal when they settle in.

Source:www.ed.gov

Parent Stories

Jane and Mikel – four children aged six, four, two, and 10 months
We have had to move house four times in the last three years, so I have had plenty of practice with this one:

• Children notice and will react to your stress levels. If you are stressed about the move then they will also be stressed.
• Be positive—point out the good points of the new house and talk it up. e.g. “Aren’t we lucky we are moving to a house with a big yard … closer to Grandma … etc.”
• If possible, take the children to visit the new house and look around.
• The last couple of times we have been lucky enough to have access to the new house before we have to leave the old house. This means the move can be spread out over a couple of weeks.
• Our moving essentials include: kitchen basics (clearly labeled), enough clothes for a week packed in suitcases, toiletries and the children’s toys and ‘blankies’, and these are the first things to be unpacked.
• When I am packing, I try not to do too much in the day—with four young children this can be anything from impossible to dangerous. I also don’t want them to become too unsettled by changing their routines. I do most of my packing when they are asleep.
• To make things easier during and after the move I try to make extra meals (about two weeks’ worth) ahead of time and freeze them.
• When we are in the new house, we make a point to explore the house, yard and neighborhood as a family. This allows us to check out what is safe and to establish new rules if need be.
• As a family, we stick to the same well-established routines we have always had. I feel this helps the children to settle in and feel safe and secure in their new environment.
• I think the best way to go about moving would be to have the professional movers come in and pack up your whole house, then unpack it at the other end.  This way you can take the kids to the beach or the park and life would be easy. I’m working on that for our final move!

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