Self-esteem is the confidence and satisfaction that children have in themselves.

What can you do?

For healthy self-esteem, children need to receive nurturing from the people around them so it’s important for parents to think about what you can do to help your child. The following hints will assist you in building positive self esteem in your child and making your home a happy safe place to be in:

• When you feel good about your child, mention it to them – don’t assume they will know. When you see your child doing something well - take the time to tell them. Catch them being good!! Comments like, "you're wonderful," or "I'm proud of you," are good self-esteem builders, but learn to be specific, too. Identify your child's strong personality traits, such as empathy, kindness, neatness, or a great sense of humor, and take time to comment on them
• Try not to be too busy, often children want and need more of our time. A tidy house is a great thing but so is a happy child. Spend time alone with them on a regular basis. Active listening builds self-esteem, do you really listen to your child? Dedicate some one-on-one time when talking and listening happens without interruption
• Tell your child how you handled difficult situations in your life. This can be extremely reaffirming for them. You can also model positive self-statements (self talk) – e.g. “I did a great job with that cake” or “I am a good dancer”
• Laugh with your children and develop their sense of humor
• Accept your child for who they are  - highlight your child’s strengths. Look for small victories or achievements and celebrate them. Develop a strong language of encouragement that focuses on effort, improvement, their contribution and displays your confidence in their ability to succeed
• Avoid criticism that takes the form of ridicule or shame. Allow them to make mistakes and learn from them
• Teach your child about decision-making and how to recognize when they have made a good decision
• Ask your child's opinion about things. For example when buying a birthday present for a friend, when choosing lunch food for school or getting suggestions for the next family holiday
• Give children realistic responsibilities. Develop self-help skills from an early age.  Tell your children that you appreciate their help and compliment them on small tasks done well. Encourage them to help in the home and thank them for doing so
• Write letters or notes of appreciation. Leave notes under the pillow, in lunch-boxes or on the computer in e-mail
• Try not to compare siblings. Compare them only to themselves. Love and value your child for who they are - not what they do or as a comparison to anyone else
• Be active and exercise regularly as individuals and as a family. Exercise can help relieve stress and make children (and adults!) feel good
• Find a place where your child can display their art work, drawings and certificates
• Give children choices, not threats. Give your child a choice only when you really want the child to decide—and then accept the child's decision
• Role model good manners, be polite to your children and other adults (you’d be surprised who notices)  
• Always try to give your children a reason, particularly if they ask. Try not to say, "Because you have to!" This often signals that children are not worthy of an explanation. Be honest and admit if you don’t know the answer
• Allow them be able to express their own viewpoint - even when it differs from their parents
• Ensure that your child feels they can trust you. Keep promises, be supportive, be consistent and give your child opportunities to be trustworthy
• As parents we need to remember that a crucial factor in maintaining a child's self-esteem as the presence of an adult who demonstrates respect and acceptance and who provides support that conveys the message "I believe in you." Could you be that person for your child?

What parents have to say about how they build self-esteem in their children?

Anne - ‘I am bringing up three children on my own. I have created a life book for each child, which is combination of a photo album, a diary, a time-line and a scrap book. It takes a lot of work and time but as my kids get older they are becoming more involved in the creating of it. It helps build their identity and gives them a visual picture of their lives. I totally recommend it; it’s never too late to start one. I often find my kids on their bed reading their own life books and they quote information out of it. It helps them know who they are and that they are loved'.

Becky - ‘My husband Mike is a great dad. He does so many things for our 2 year old twin boys that are helping to build their self esteem. He was involved with our new-born babies as much as possible from the beginning, holding them, talking to them as if they could understand every word. When he is at work he writes the boys emails and I read them out to them (I’ve printed off the special ones to keep). Every night he reads aloud to each child (sometimes by candle-light). He tells them every day that he loves them. He kneels, to talk to our toddlers and listens with his eyes. They LOVE him and are great happy kids’.

By Tracey Richardson

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