One reason parents spank is that they are not aware of other effective strategies for changing children's undesirable behavior.

Toddlers can move quickly and desire independence desperately; for those reasons, parents need to plan how to handle undesirable behaviors. Discipline actually refers to teaching, not punishing. When disciplining your toddler, your goal is to teach your child how to develop self-control and socially acceptable behavior.

Punishments, such as spanking and yelling, are counter productive because they can lead a child to believe that he or she is a bad person instead of just a someone who did something wrong. The trick to using discipline rather than punishment with toddlers is to have a lot of strategies at your disposal. Here are some tips for alternatives to spanking your toddler.

Use eye contact when giving instructions

You have exchanged long, loving looks with your baby. While parenting a toddler, use this foundation of good eye contact for teaching. Challenge yourself to get your toddler’s eye contact every time you ask him or her to do something. (This means you can’t call out from the sofa.) By communicating intentionally, you are building respect and modeling a life-skill.

Teach and re-teach

A legitimate consequence for not doing the right thing is to be reminded how to behave. In order for this to work, teach your toddler in simple terms what you expect. For example, you might say, “When we are in the store, I want you to hold your hands together. No touching.” Then when your child begins pulling things off the shelf, you get eye contact and remind her saying, “Hold your hands, please.” When your child gains more verbal skills, you can ask him or her to tell you the expectation.

Remove your child from the situation

Remember you can always pick your child up and physically remove him from a bad situation. This is the best route to take when your child is causing a disruption for others or putting himself in a dangerous situation.

Break tension with humor

Disobedience involves a power struggle. Often your toddler knows exactly how he should behave; he is just choosing not to behave. With that said, keep in mind that your toddler’s misbehavior is not personal. That is, toddlers do not think beyond their own immediate concern and do not intentionally try to make a parent look bad or inadequate. Keeping this realization in mind will allow you to laugh your way out of some conflicts. When the tension mounts instead of raising your voice or making a threat, break the power struggle by saying something off the wall like, “Do refrigerators have knees?”

Know your limit

If you feel like you might loose control of your temper, you need to focus on taking care of yourself. If you can get your child to a safe place (such as a crib), put him there and walk away. Set a timer for two minutes and, essentially, give yourself a time out. Get a drink; comb your hair, or even twitter. When the timer goes off, take a deep breath or two and check on your child. If you still feel angry, set the timer for another two minutes and call someone who will listen and not pass judgment on you for reaching your limit.

By Anne Oxenreider

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